Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I love working for the Department of Defense. Monday, 8 AM I waltz into my office (office. Ha. Cubicle that doubles as a storage facility for the other departments) and there is UTTER PANIC.
“What’s up, Dream Team?”
“WE HAVE TRAINING.” Immediately I’m thinking “oh what did I fuck up to cause this?” because I fear failure so very, very much.
“WHAT KIND OF TRAINING?” I ask.
“IT’S FROM (Most Serious Boss In the World Who I Have Never Seen Smile). GET YOUR EMAIL RIGHT NOW.” There are like, flashing lights and alarms on the faces of my co-workers. I figure we’re all going to have to learn Python to keep our jobs or something.
So after windows takes 12 minutes to open outlook I start reading a long-ass Power Point presentation about Human Sex Slavery and Trafficking and how I can avoid participating in it. THE FIRST SLIDE IS A HORRIFIC QUOTE FROM A BUNCH OF CAPTURED WOMEN FROM SIERRA LEONE WHO GOT THEIR EYES CUT OUT AND RAPED. AT 8 AM. ON MONDAY MORNING. I think I’m going to have a nice relaxing day of designing posters for the stray shelter’s adopt-a-thon, but alas, these dreams have been interrupted by the need for the Man to terrify me out of sex-slave participation. One of my (lady) co-workers starts yelling “THANKS FOR THIS POWER POINT. I WILL NO LONGER TRAFFIC HUMANS.”
Unfortunately, I am unable to comply at the moment because my main source of income is not really my marketing job, but rather the brothel of teenage she-males I run out of the water-heater closet in my apartment. BUT THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP. I had no idea Le Ping was unhappy until this helpful Power Point. But screw it, cause marketing just doesn't pay that well. Sorry Le Ping.
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