Wednesday, June 03, 2009
And now a message from Dr. Bunny Mcintosh.
Hello. I have a cold. Some times when I get sick I use the disgusting-but-helpful method of pouring salt water through my sinuses via a neti pot in order to combat my afflictions (also, you're welcome for that picture). Oprah taught me this, and since she is obviously the real God, I tried it. After some trauma w/r/t neti pots yesterday, I wrote this email to my bff.
Dear Jill,
Since I was feeling sick, Everett and I decided that since we don't have a neti pot, the second best option would be for me to allow him to use a plastic tube as a salt water siphon through my nasal passages. This seemed like an interesting experiment, UNTIL, GO FUCKING FIGURE, IT WENT HORRIBLY AWRY. I figured that Everett, in his infinite understanding of science and all manner of physics would slowly elevate the glass of salt water (which was fucking SEA WATER because I put too much salt in) to an appropriate level (like, the level of my nose) and slowly start the siphon. NO DICE. As soon as the tube was up my nose he SHOT the glass of salt water towards the gods, and I was blasted with a brain full of the Atlantic itself. So, I immediately start choking and writhing around on the ground, my tubed brain-bath spilling at a whirlwind speed into my eyes, face, mouth, shirt, floor, etc. My entire sinus cavity empties, my ears hurt, and I announce something along the lines of "OH GOD OH GOD I FEEL LIKE I JUST WENT DROWNING," as I roll choking in disbelief on the bathroom floor. Everett is telling me that "was awesome." I almost cry for the next ten minutes convinced that I have definitely polluted my brain and somehow throat lymph nodes, but the verdict is in: in order to make it feel "even," I have to do the other side.
Everett puts forth a small argument to let him help again, he knows what he is doing this time, etc. This request is denied with prejudice, and so goes the announcement and sincere conviction that I WILL NEVER LET YOU SIPHON ANYTHING INTO MY NOSE AGAIN FOR ANY REASON.
Now he is watching cross fit videos, and I feel betrayed AS WELL AS retarded, but also less sick.
Please don't tell anyone.
love,
Bunny
P.S. Also, just so you know, when Everett read this email over my shoulder he corrected my spelling of the word "siphon" ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.
P.P.S
Here is a stupid photo of me dressed like a clown in a Tokyo train station to distract you from picturing me doing disgusting things with tea pots.
I have never done anything gross or wrong.
i am bunny mcintosh
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