Friday, November 30, 2007
Un-Classy List, Alcohol Addition
I was just spending a little time thinking about the embarrassing beverages I used to enjoy on a semi-regular- regular basis as a youth. So, I present to you the Un-Classy List, Alcohol Addition.
1. Avalanche. Do you remember this vile mess of a drink? It's a minty blue drink that's pretty much pure liquor. I used to drink it out of a sports bottle on my trampoline with my friend Beth Orlowski. Why would adults want to drink it? It's basically mouth wash, which is why I drank it, I could just say I used mouth wash when my parents asked. BONUS STORY: Once I got drunk on Avalanche in the bottom of a large red clay filled pit while my parents were putting a pool in. My parents came down stairs so we all snuck into my sister's room where THREE of my friend hid in the closet while my dad told me what a good child I was. I am fairly certain he is a genius and that he knew I was drunk and did this to torture me, and it worked. It's still working.
2. After Shock Hot and Cool Cinnamon. WHITE TRASH. This drink comes in Hot & Cool Cinnamon, Deep Cool Citrus, Cranberry, Silver, Thermal Bite Aniseed and Limited Edition '10,' which was Apple Flavored Celebrating 10 years of After Shock. I used to drink this with Jill who bought the bottle because there were sugar crystals in the bottom. Little does anyone realize that the sugar crystals will only come out if you break the bottle, and glass shards and sugar crystals look exactly the same, so that's a nightmare. Also, aftershock tastes like hell in your mouth, but your breath smells like you just ate 19 packages of Big Red and then washed it down with rubbing alcohol.which brings me to the ultimate rubbing alcohol beverage,
3. Mr. Boston's Vodka. If you want to throw up immediately, or spiral into alcoholism in less than three days, try this brand of Vodka. It's like $8 for a giant handle. You can mix it with juice, or class it up by pouring tang directly into the bottle. If I so much as smell this beverage, my mouth starts watering in the sick, wrong way.
4. Special Brew. Flavored malt beverages. It was closer to beer than it was to hard lemonade. It tastes like eating four lollipops while drinking a beer with a kool aid pack in it. I used to drink this in the break room of the movie theater I worked at in Peachtree City, Georgia.
5. Arbor Mist. Soda flavored wine. WHY?
6. Tequila Rose. This one is the worst, because I am ashamed to say that to this day if I got my hands on a bottle of Tequila Rose I'd probably drink the whole thing in secret in my bathroom. It looks like melted lipstick and tastes like a tequila milk shake. God help me, I LOVE it.
7. Parrot's Bay Coconut Rum and Dr. Pepper. I know this isn't a liquor, but it did get me so hammered at a Promise Ring show that I locked my keys in my car 3 times in one night, and the last time I broke my own car antenna off my 1991 Ford Escort because I didn't have a coat hanger. I didn't drive home.
8. Zima. This was 1994's gift to the world. No one cool has ever tried a Zima. EXCEPT ME.
Ok, your turn.
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