Thursday, December 16, 2004
I am the Paris Hilton of Room raiders
by Bunny Mcintosh
Day 1: When the van pulled up down stairs, I was throwing up from my hang over. I had passed out just HOURS before with no sheets on my bed, fully dressed, etc. Richard Delicious and I started scampering around trying to get shit in order. He ran out the door literally seconds before like 50 men busted in with cameras and started screaming about "let's go let's go!"I got thrown into a van, which drove... maybe ten feet. Then i went back upstairs to change clothes, hide my guns, and go outside to the freezing roof to have my interview.
Which... was ok, except that I could only think of bad answers, so I had to keep doing it over. For example
mtv: what's your name, age, and occupation?
me: I'm Bunny Mcintosh, I'm 23, and I'm a doctor.
mtv: say "hi, I'm bunny, I'm 23 and I'm a student at UGA."
me: oh... ok. Hi, I'm Bunny Mcintosh and I'm a student at UGA. And um, also I'm 23.
mtv: what do you like to do in your free time?
me: I like to water ski with Tony Braxton, and I like to go on killing sprees.
mtv: um.... say "In my free time I like to go shopping or whatever."
me: no.
Then, back up in my room, they found my acoustic guitar. They decided I should take that to campus and play acoustic guitar. On campus. No shit.
me: I'm not doing that.
mtv: it will be cute.
me: only if I can also walk along the beach with an older woman who I talk to about feminine hygiene with.
mtv: what?
me: can I at least bring my electric?
We shot my "montage" (me skating, playing electric guitar on the steps of the financial aid building and rolling around in some leaves) and I went home.
Day 2: The next morning I went to their hotel to sit in a van to watch "The seeker." This was the best part. This was the boy who went through our rooms. I know the title "Seeker" sounds like a horrifying video game character who kills people slowly, but...
Here is what he was like
1) tall, blonde, surfs up.
2) had a hard time forming complete sentences
3) made awesome jokes from Austin Powers like "YEAH BABY"*
4) took his shirt off in my apartment
5) had "ten steps to awesome abs" on his mirror
6) douchey
*not even edgy enough to quote Dave Chapelle.
Going through my room was horribly embarrassing. I didn't realize they were going to go through my hard drive and find all sorts of naked pictures.
Of COURSE i have naked pictures on my computer. I'm Bunny fucking Mcintosh.
So this dude, instead of handling it delicately, just starts freaking out about how much he would like to "make some porno of our own."
For FUCKS SAKE. I don't even KNOW YOU.
Then, onto my bedroom where THE ONLY thing they found, for some reason, were vibrators, handcuffs, condoms, and as a joke yes hersheys kisses cause I like to be cheesy. Our Seeker was, again, kind of a tool about the whole thing and talked about how sexy chocolate was. Yes. How sexy are those Christmas Chocolates from last year, Buffy McMeatface?
Then he made fun of me for having hung my eviction notice on the wall.
The van was really cold, and then we got to raid the guys room. Oh-- also, they kept calling us "Mate 1, Mate 2 or Mate 3."
You know. Like they do at the zoo.
In his room we found... nothing. Some men's health magazines. The other girls, who were actually quite cool (Sara Jane and Marla Star, Athens) acted squeamish about a pair of dirty boxers and we got in a perfume fight. The crew kept trying to get us to make out, but we just kept screaming "vagina" or "get fucked" instead.
I got eliminated for having dirty sheets. Cest la vie de MTV.
i am bunny mcintosh
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